Guitar Ensemble School

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Web Pages from times gone by - April 1998

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This page is from April 1998


Impotence and The Classical Guitar - the 1998 April Fool

The Setup...

After years of the general public blindly associating all types of guitar with Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll and premature hearing loss, it seems that there is some good news for Classical Guitarists.

The recent reports of chemical pollution causing fish in rivers to become emasculated and infertile is causing some concern about whether such chemicals, now they are in the food chain, might cause similar problems in adults.

Professor Olaf Lopri at the Department of Reproductive Science (what a title!) in the Genito-Urinary School at Guy's Hospital in London has been gathering evidence.

It seems that Prof Lopri, an expert in infertility and a guitarist himself (though only "as a way to unwind at the end of the day") has always chatted to his patients about their hobbies as he examines them, and believes he has found a small correlation between sperm count and playing Classical (not electric) Guitar. Evidently, the vibraton of the back of the guitar in loud playing can cause what he believes is a small but significant increase in fertility, and (here is the good news) in potency too. The Professor has (excuse the unfortunate phrase) only a small sample to work with, but he believes that the frequency of vibration is the important issue and suspects that a 6 = D tuning might actually improve fertility and potency further.

 

Footnote : Olaf Lopri = April Fool!