Derek's Tried & Tested Excuses
to tell your Significant Other when you get home really late
from a practice
A survival guide for the Guitar Ensemble Novice
What's this? Have I become a Marriage Counsellor now?
No, but I will tell you this - Ensemble playing can be fascinating. Time will fly, and before you know it, you'll be packing your guitar frantically away, muttering "They're gonna kill me for being this late!"
For your own safety, you need a strategy. You see, it's no good getting in late into the night saying "Sorry I'm late - I had a lot more fun than if I stayed at home". Honesty is, I'm sad to say, seldom the best policy where Guitar is concerned.
Have some of my tried and tested excuses. They say that a lie is a poor substitute for the truth, but it is the only one they've found so far...
I suggest they are tried in order. I'm afraid that I can't offer you a guarantee that they'll work for you...!
- The innocent
"Darn - my watch has stopped. Will you get me a new battery for it tomorrow?"
- The sympathy vote
"Joe's just heard that he's lost his job. I felt I had to stay late to offer a listening ear"
- The helper
"Bill's car wouldn't start - I ran him home. He lives 20 miles the other way"
- Diverting the anger
"You're angry? What about me. Waste of time. Fred didn't practise at all, and he ruined every piece"
- Looking to the future
"We saw Liz's holiday pictures - there's some lovely sightseeing tours that we could try" (add 'darling' if you think it will help).
- Appealing to the animal lover
"I saw a cat get hit by the car in front of me. I had to stop and take it to the vet.
- The last resort
"I was driving home and there was a torpedo shaped object in the sky. The engine cut out and I vaguely remember being abducted"
I hope you never need eight excuses...